ELSEWHERE

To date the catalogue of disasters and abuses include:-

• Front door shutter ripped off the wall, hinges and all, and no corresponding or visible signs of attempted forced entry.

• Vomit between the bed and the wall left to mature.

• Caravan parked for the duration, at the end of the road, The occupants supplement the party resident. Maximum occupation means six.

• A car parked in the sand at the side of the house, apparently driven by a child, lost for three days. IT IS RECOMMENDED THAT YOU DO NOT TRY TO DRIVE ON THE SAND, at least not anywhere in these parts. Not even a 4x4 in skilled hands will cope with fine powdery dry sand.

• Five towel rails in the bathroom. Yes the floor is slippery when wet. ( At least I guess that how it happened )

• Plastic rainwater drainpipe ripped off at child's height to rear, both ends of the house.

• Numerous insects "splatted" on the walls.

• The fridge has to be switched on again if de-frosted. Turn the knob clockwise. This is a long story but we now have two fridges.

• The ceiling fan is not for the amusement of small children. Blades bent and rendered unusable, consistent with something having been thrown into it whilst running.

• Uplighter found to contain several odds and sods including leggo, kinder toys, screwed up sweetie wrappers. Bulb found to be smashed.

• Outside white chairs, two having back legs torn off, consistent with heavy person tipping back.

• Barbecue emptied over the wall.

• Puddle like stain and supporting odour on mezzanine consistent with child having leaked.

• Unexplained large chips to floor tiles.

• Missing cutlery. Please please don't use our cutlery for picnics.

• Parasol full of sand, and obviously having been dropped in sea-water. Please do not take it to the beach.

• Kitchen knife used as throwing knife. The tip bent round.

• The kitchen sink left such that you could write your name in the bottom.

• Likewise the bathroom.

• The absolute let from hell that allowed the kids to throw sugar and flour about in the kitchen, whilst the adults went to the beach. A neighbour found the house, completely open, deserted. Not to mention the rubbish left out on their departure, that included sanitary whatsits and a selection of hypodermic syringes, although we accept these were for medical purposes. (we believe) All that proved too interesting for a fox that made off with it, scattering the contents along the road and across the adjacent plot. Try and explain that in French. Please note, we not only retain deposits, we have been known to sue. Oh yes, and just for good measure, they posted a pack of cards into one of the heaters which caught fire the next time it was switched on.

• Back broken out of dining table chair, completely, and carefully propped up in the corner. Same tenant, we think may know something about the broken patio chairs.

• Front door appearing to have been forced sufficiently to sheer the lock.

• Vacuum cleaner operated without a bag, and found full of wet sand. Nothing that a new one wouldn't fix.

2001     Dining chairs taken from the house and used to form a barricade across the drive, for the purpose of containing one small child.   Combination of full sunshine and rain (left out overnight) caused the glue in the joints to fail. Several had to be re-manufactured.  We would greatly appreciate it if furniture could be kept in the house. If lack of perimeter enclosure is an issue, or if you simply don't want to have to look after your offspring, can I refer you to 'Foreword'

2002    Getting better. Plastic ice cube tray from fridge neatly broken into three sections. Why?   Garden table broken, carefully  propped up in the garage. Could not have escaped notice of whoever left it there. Not beyond repair, but how on earth did it get broken? 

2004 Getting better. The knob controlling the oven rotated anticlockwise by 90 degrees, which must have taken considerable force. The grill is operated from this same knob, but by rotating clockwise past the oven max temp position, till it switches to the grill position. As a consequence, the temperature control was dangerously inaccurate, that is to say that with the knob suggesting that it was at a suitable temperature to keep plates warm, they actually cracked and would have caused serious injury.  I would like to thank someone personally for their efforts.

Expensive combination scraper / wire brush and tongs for the barbecue disappeared.  The brushes are intended for repeat use, not use once and throw away. The tongs....why not ask us where we got them from and buy your own. For that matter, the same applies to the brushes.

And all this in ten years. We expect wear and tear and accidental breakages. The above fall outside this category. Most incidents relate to a handful of lets, and represent only the smallest minority. They can cause us awful problems. Our housekeeper is very good to us. She will "fix" almost anything. There are however limits to what can be sorted in the turn round time and sometimes this incurs considerable expense.

Hence the deposit.